“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain” Proverbs 31:10-11.

We live in a time now where we question everything. How we live our life and what we do? I been gone for 2 years from writing, and just because I was not writing does not mean that I wasn’t paying attention. Compared to 2016 when I first started, social media has taken over our lives. As my dad said, “phones have become our new God.” I look at my dad crazy sometimes and then sometimes I wonder. For so long, Black women waited and “believed” that God would send us a man.  For some that did happen, but for many, they are still waiting for God to work his magic. However, some of us got tired of waiting. We got tired of going to single bars and speed dating events and church every Sunday looking for a man, and just said f*** it and decided to live our lives. Nonetheless, when we made that decision thats when Black men decided that they were God now. If you let the spiritual world tell it “Black Men are God” but that topic I will touch on another day. But the point I’m making is, we are not blind. Literally daily on social media we see debates back and forth with Black men and women about how the “Black Woman isn’t the black woman from back in the day.” Or “Black men aren’t men anymore.” Somehow the same group of Black Men and Women that call us out for believing in God, are now the same group of men who feel like they got the right to judge us.

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him. Genesis 2:18′”

Then its the group of men who used God to manipulate us. Like I said some of us are still waiting for God to send us that man. We literally watch Ciara and Cassie or hell any relationship we believe that is “God sent” and pray that God will send us that same type of love and relationship. Yet, fail to understand that love starts from within. So, when God finally does send us a man (well the man that we believe that is God sent) we do anything in our power to keep that man. Even when the same God starts to send us signs that this man isn’t for us, you look past them because God wouldn’t send you a demon in your mind. However, we forget that God will send us warnings to love ourselves in the form of people. And the only way we will learn to love ourselves is to fall on our ass pretty much. That how many lessons are taught. YET!!!!! When you are with a mentally manipulative man, he will make you believe that this is the way to love. That you have to deal with pain for the love to grow. And if you find him in a church, well we know how that goes. As the church or any religion for that matter tell you that “God will never send too much that you can’t bare.” But what if he does? What if that the blessing that “God” sent you is more than you can bare? If we are being real, we know way too many people–that is, if we are not one of them–who are in unhealthy relationships. They stay in the name of the “Lord” but are hella miserable. And if you ask me, life is already way too short to be unhappy. Many people have this misconception that real love has to be earned and the more hell that you face, the stronger your bond. But that isn’t love; it’s dysfunction.

“”Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10″

And you have some women who realize that love isn’t supposed to be toxic but a blessing. And when you meet a God-Fearing Woman who loves herself like she loves God, then she is a powerful woman in some people eyes but in others she is a demon. The most dangerous thing a woman can do is love herself and put herself first in this new age and time. Like I said before social media is powerful and now more than ever women are waking up and realizing how powerful they are. Like I also pointed out earlier, she is not waiting around for “God “to send her a man. While she knows God hears her, she is living her life until her time comes. When a woman is living her life, that is when the “Social Media Pastors” come out and play. Telling women how they are supposed to act and judging her and every move she makes. Case in point Lori Harvey. Lori has received praises for bagging one of the most desired men in the Black universe, Michael B. Jordan. When a woman choose to date multiple people at once, somehow her value goes down in the eyes of the “Lord” according to men. She gets a bad rep from men and women. Because like I said, in the eye of “God” we not supposed to share ourselves with multiple men, and if we do then somehow, we are deemed as “Jezebel.”  I was the young woman who invested all of my energy into one man or put all of my eggs into one basket. My main reason against dating multiple men was because I felt exhausted trying to keep up with the different personalities. And how it was draining my energy. But if I knew what I know now, I would have done it very differently. Because even if I moved like a “Woman of God,” I will still be judged anyway.

“I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this. Psalm 139:14”

Now, I’m not writing this to say that you shouldn’t have God in your life. Because I believe in God and from the low that I been in, I’m so thankful that God got me out. It was a time I gave up, and God showed me a million reasons not to. When I had demons around me, he took them away even when I thought they were good for me. And I love those demons (men), but God knew that I deserved better. HOWEVER!! I’m not no fool either, people will use your love of God to do evil. They will use his words to benefits their needs. And play on your love of God, which will turn around and make you hate God. All because their misuse of his words and scripture. The same people who “preach” these words, but wont follow any of the words being preached. The main reason why people don’t believe in God like they used to, is because they seen the that evil people have done with the bible. I am not preaching, I am just sharing my story. The point is, no relationship can grow without God in it. Basically, you leaning to your own faith, you will quickly realize how powerful the role God is in your relationship/marriage. But as I learned you can’t pray to God for a relationship that EVEN you know is not good for you. Ima just say it, if you can’t help yourself then stop looking for God to help you.

Just my Opinion…. That is All

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By Judaea Payne

My name is judaea and I write about love and the bullshit that comes with it. Oh and I write about music as well.