In Black Culture News and Opinions

If you know me well then you know that I do not believe in dating multiple men at once. I am one of those women who strongly believe in dating one guy at a time. However, as I have gotten older, I am starting to see why women approach dating like many men do.  Because I choose to date exclusively, does not mean that the man that I am dating feels the same way. This may not be the best thing for me, because putting all your eggs in one basket may burn me, when keeping my options open may be a better choice.

I am at the point of my life, where I know that I am ready for marriage (but I will wait until I meet the right man before I bring up marriage). I know now how important it is for me to date around before I settle down but all that I hear is woman who talk down on other women who date 5 different men at once. Reason being because they’re sleeping with all five men at the same time (don’t ask me how I know this just know I’m a writer so I know ways to get my information). Since then I come to learn that if I don’t date like a man right now, then I will end up alone with 6 cats. Men say that they love it when a woman challenges them, and don’t make it too easy for them. But then they go cheat on that woman that “challenge” them with a woman that looks like she is a member of the gross sister (if you grew up watching Proud Family then you know what I’m talking about). This are the women that let men get their yoni (vagina for the none-conscious people who don’t know what I was talking about) without putting in any work or commitment.

Many men are uncomfortable with “alpha women.” As soon as she shows you, the real deal he starts downgrading the woman she is (not once did she lie to you she kept it real about what she wants, but you got mad because she beat you to your own game). When women are sexually liberated as their male counterparts, society tries to label her as a hoe because she refuses allow men and society dictate her sex life and dating life does not mean that she is a hoe. Additionally, just because a woman dates multiple men at a time does not mean that she is sleeping with all the dating prospect on her roster. Newsflash, not all great conversations lead to every man tasting the juices.

It was shown that women who approach a man first, ends up in more successful relationships, then women who wait for men to approach them. But remember the keyword here “relationship” not marriage. However, in these days living in marriage will be more rare than common by the time we have kids unless we began to increase our values and appreciation to monogamy and marriage. While it is nice to wait for a man to come up to approach women, it is not always realistic expectations in present day. Exactly how long will we wait for our crush to realize that we are in love with the?

People have stated, that they married their spouse because they were too scared to approach the person that they truly wanted to be with. I realized that while I used to pick the man, and felt empowered because I was the one doing the choosing, on the flip side that man didn’t necessarily choose me. He put me through tests that I failed, because after 3 dates I was calling him my boyfriend. Here I am, about to be 28 finally realizing how powerful it is to just to play the game along with him because I always been the “OK” girl. Not the sexual ok girl, but “the ok girl” who got stepped on in most of her relationships. That girl who waited until he got his sh** together, the girl who didn’t believe in talking to other men but he could talk to other women, and sadly the girl who would text him first; and waited all damn day just for him to say “sup.” Now I’m no longer that woman, and now men are trying their best to be my only one and catch my attention (but I am loving my single life, and there is one man that got all of my attention right now……..look I’m still a work in progress here).

As we’re living in a different time, we are not our parents. Back in the day, our fathers knew after a few weeks, months or years if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with our mothers but now we damn near have to wait two years for a man to claim us as his “girlfriend.”  Yes, I want an alpha male but I shouldn’t have to wait a lifetime for something that I  know eventually that we both will want. Love is something that we shouldn’t rush, but we damn sure shouldn’t wait for it to knock on our door either. Ladies, how long will you wait for a man to realize that he has a prize right in front of him? I’m finally at a place where I know what I need, and I know that if I do not put myself out there; and stop waiting for one man to pick me, then I will forever be single. As I know a man is supposed to approach me, but if I help him start the car doesn’t mean I am helping him drive it. I’m just giving him that extra gas that is missing in him. In 2017 yes, a man supposed to lead and he needs a strong woman next to him to lead, so try something new. Don’t wait another damn year of your life wondering if you will meet your soulmate. Especially if you know that the man that you want to be with is right in front of you. Damn it, even if its just for fun. Test that water before you put the hook all the way end. Furthermore, time waits for no man so don’t be standing on the wall mad because your crush is dancing with a woman and you know that the woman should be you.GO FOR WHAT IS YOURS! (and date around before you give a man all of you).

That Is All

Facebook Comments Box

By Judaea Payne

My name is judaea and I write about love and the bullshit that comes with it. Oh and I write about music as well.