FEATURES, JUICE

The Truth About Sexual Addiction From My Perspective

I notice that it’s a topic I don’t really touch, and now I’m ready to speak. Let me be clear, I love sex. I love how speechless sex can leave you. It’s nothing like a man that knows how to make love to your mind as well as your body. While I have memories that I will always cherish, there are memories I honestly wish I could eliminate. The thing is, I knew that I was having sex for all the wrong reasons. There were feelings that I didn’t want to deal with and I used sex as a way to deal. I wasn’t happy with my life, and it was nothing for me to call up one of my “junts” and release those feelings. However, I quickly learned that I only received a temporary release. Nothing could take away the thought and personal issues that I had with myself, until one day I saw that I was continuing a toxic pattern that I had to change before I ended up with a baby by a man I didn’t give two ****s about.

It didn’t hit me that I was using sex as a drug until I was damn near going crazy without it. I would literally stay up at night, looking at the wall because I quit cold turkey. I needed a break simply because sex wasn’t doing it for me anymore. I would have a few sexual highs here and there but I was left with nothing but an empty feeling. Here I was sharing my body with men I didn’t care for, nor saw a future with. Sexual addiction is like drugs and alcohol in the same way often used as a coping mechanism. People who are addicted to sex tend to use sex as a means to avoid stressful problems. Some sexual addicts even find relief from boredom, discomfort, anxiety, and depression. When I realize I used sex to avoid my feelings, I knew I had to stop. A healthy sex life can become a sexual addiction without a person even realizing it. One can walk a fine line between being addicted to sex and sexual gratification. An individual who is addicted to sex crosses this line without realizing the dangers of doing so. Sexual addiction can destroy not just the life of the addict, but also the lives of the people around them. This addiction can disrupt various aspects of ones life like their relationships, careers, finances, psychological health, and emotional well-being. The urges related to sexual addiction can spiral from being intense to becoming obsessive. Moreover, the person who is addicted to sex will pursue sexual adventures to the point of no return.

Sexual addiction cases are more common than many people realize. People usually take sex addiction as a joke, thinking that the addict in question, is basically as an excuse to lay down with any and everyone. While you do have those, who are using addiction as a reason to cheat. You do have that group who doesn’t know another way to express their feelings. Most individuals who are addicted to sex tend to lose control over the act. They may feel a temporary high while performing but the act never actually provides them with what they are looking for. Their problem remains unsolved, and they will not be able to relax. Moreover, some of the feelings of discomfort will increase. When this happens, sexual addicts indulge some more until the time that they lose the capability to reasonably fight off the sexual urges.

As we know, expressing our feelings is hard. We don’t want to come off as assholes, but we don’t want to come off as weak either. Sharing my feelings has never been easy. When I felt disappointed, or frustrated I used sex as a way to express my feelings with the guy that I was seeing at the time. Not knowing what I was doing was not only harming myself but harming him as well. It wasn’t until I fell in love that I knew I had to change. I couldn’t keep looking at sex as an antidepressant. When I went that year without sex, I found my truth and I finally knew I had to face it. I didn’t like where my life was heading. I was looking for any and every way not to deal with problems. I felt left behind, I didn’t like where my life was heading. But I wasn’t willing to put the work in to change my life either. I was literally waiting for a blessing to fall from the sky, without me working for it. It was time for me to face my demons before I took someone down with me and I knew I didn’t want to hurt the love of my life. Therefore, when I took that break my life changed and I grew a deeper self-control with my needs and body. I learned to go without it, and also to please myself without looking for a man to please me. When I discovered my worth, I had this guilty feeling of all that I’ve done. While I didn’t sleep with the world, I shared my body with men that didn’t deserve me. Men who didn’t deserve my spirit or time, let alone my body. For a long time, I felt guilty for my past mistakes and didn’t feel like I deserve happiness cause of my bad choices. Then I put all that energy into a blog, and now I’m doing writing pieces for a woman who deeply inspires me.

No matter the quality or quantity of sex, some people remain hungry for more and more sex. It’s as though they are sexually insatiable. Most often, their insatiable sexual hunger is related to deep-rooted psychological factors. Furthermore, I come to learn that some people used sex to seek that spiritual connection that they must find within themselves first. In this sense, the sex responsible for producing each of us connects us seamlessly with nature, with the whole universe, and with each other. As I grew to learn about my body, sex is only as powerful for me when I’m laying down with a man I’m in love with. In the Hindu ‘Kama Sutra’ and Tibetan Buddhist ‘Tantra’ traditions, spiritual development involving mastery of sexual energy in the context of mature male-female relationships reveal the possibility of a fruitful merging of sex and spirituality. However, in Western culture, we have too many hang-ups about sex to follow such a path. We seek so many to please us, because we don’t have a clue of how we need to please ourselves. We tend to consider the main purpose of sex as pleasure rather than either procreation or spiritual development. We seem to accept that “anything goes, as long as it does not harm anyone”. We aim for fidelity in pair-bond relationships but acknowledge this more as an ideal than a genuine goal. We just settle for sex because finding that timeless love is hard. Sometimes we believe that maybe good sex is all that we will get out of a relationship. However, once we change our thoughts and views on love then maybe we will find what we need. Like an elder told me: we overthink love, but don’t overthink who we sharing our body with or who we having children with. Maybe one day we will learn to open our heart. As I learn, we can either build or destroy.

That is All

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